So much exasperation, so many regrets, so many hopeless hopes, disastrous longings, unfulfilled dreams, vague ideologies, self-made rules, chances wasted in the hands of ignorance, unintentional bloopers, intentional blunders, unspoken yearnings, so many embarrassing confessions, and so, so many things you can’t even imagine I want to share with you, my children.
I want you to know all this to make you aware of all the lessons I’ve learnt and all the insecurities I’ve gathered. I want you to be confident enough and less tongue-tied, unlike your mother. I want you to grab on tight on your chances and your dreams. I want you to live with a purpose. I want you to have the least procrastinating personality, to waste little life on futile philosophies and to live with fewer delusions -the kind of delusions that are sure going fade away in the dust of time, that are sure going to trample under the satirical realities of life, and that are going to leave you empty-handed right in the middle of nowhere. The kind of delusions you know are going hurt you, still you’d desperately try to make them bond with your meek mentality.
I want you to be decisive enough -to be less demented, less muddled, less perplexed. I want you to realize what you want. I want you to have the courage to ask for what you need to seize your possibilities, to believe in what you really are to have lesser regrets and more contentment and to have less passive perceptions. I want you to be more thankful and less of an ungrateful brat.
Never go searching for paper bags and invisibility cloaks, like your mother did. Don’t go astray in the fallacies created by several Mirrors of Erised around you.
Never be obstinate for modernism, you’re going to regret it, eventually. You’d always want to find an escape, but know that you can’t. Don’t try to be over-practical only for the sake of maturity, you’re going to hurt yourself or others, or both. Try to appreciate people, even if they aren’t good enough at something, they might just not be good with expressions. Always be flexible enough to accept reason, to apprehend excuses and to get constraints of the faces around you.
I want you to know that if people are found at their worst, they can be found at their best too. You just need to make an effort for the latter part. I want you to acknowledge the fact that there’s a whole new world between good and bad and you should never labialize people on what you see, for appearances are always deceptive. Don’t try to make feeble images of personalities from the shattered, unclear doubts of your own personality. You’d think you know them when you won’t. You’d never be able to know the real out of them, from their superficial masks. Never mock someone for it is a small, round world and your doings do come at you in some other form, in some other words.
I want to warn you, don’t get too attached with words and humans. Humans are meant to part and words are meant to fade away, and you’ll see they will. Don’t make sticky associations with situations and memories. They are all going to dwindle in the varying shades of time. Don’t ever make promises for the sake of spice, for you’re going to break them or more precisely you’re going to forget them, for sure. In the end, we all do this.
In short, I want you to be less like your mother, my children.
But then sometimes, I wonder, how scripted your life would be with such conjunctions, no? People get to know their selves in the darkness of their own flaws, their own misapprehensions and their own scripts. Now, I’m wondering why on earth I wrote all this- maybe because I don’t want you to let down others or more likely yourselves. I want you to be somebody. Or maybe I’m just selfish enough to try to achieve through you what I couldn’t. Whichever way it is, I just want you to read this at least once, so that such pointless, vain stuff doesn’t get buried with me under the mud.